How to Overcome the Fear of Failure

Sarah: 00:00:05

Hello everyone. Me and Tazmin are back for another episode of The SEO Mindset. So thank you for joining us. And this week we are chatting about and I'm very excited for this topic, the fear of failure, particularly important at the moment. As many as of our listeners have set themselves goals for this year, for 2023. And fear of failure is one of the biggest barriers to success are an awesome topic. Now, before we get into this week's topic, just want to remind people about how you can support us. So if you enjoy what we're doing, you like listening to us and you're like, I like what Sarah and Tazmin are doing with their podcast, then you can support us, you can give us a donation. So we're set up on buy me a coffee. So you can go and give us a one-off donation. So you can buy one or multiple coffees. And they start off at a five pound. So a link to our buy me a coffee page will be in the show notes of this episode. So, yes, please go and do that and we'd be very appreciative of that. And also you can help us spread the word. Right? So let's get as many people listen to this podcast as we can. So tell your work colleagues, friends, family, loved ones, neighbors, pets, everyone, right? Get them to search for the SEO Mindset on Google or a search engine or on a place where they play podcasts. So get them to search in there. You could also, the next time you listen to an episode, take the link, you'll find it somewhere and you can share that with them as well. If there's an episode that you think someone would really enjoy, then yeah, please do share because that would be awesome. Hello, Tazmin.

Tazmin: 00:02:02

Hello, Sarah.

Sarah: 00:02:03

How are you? I am fabulous is the word that I'm going to go with today. How about yourself?

Tazmin: 00:02:09

Very, very well, thank you.

Sarah: 00:02:11

We got two very, very wells.

Tazmin: 00:02:16

How many did I say? I don't know. I have to listen back to it.

Sarah: 00:02:19

Just you got two very, very we could be very.

Tazmin: 00:02:26

All good. Life is very lively. As you said, with goal setting season, lots of clients want to come in, set their goals, accountability. So it's really great. It's fun.

Sarah: 00:02:40

Yeah. Well, this is exciting then. This topic idea, fear of failure. This is a good one.

Tazmin: 00:02:56

Yeah. So what happened was yesterday I had a group coaching session and we were discussing things that would prevent the individuals from achieving their goals. We went through various ones, but the fear of failure was the one that resonated with the most. So I thought, why don't we continue this conversation on this podcast so that our listeners can also benefit from things that I covered in the group coaching session yesterday. So, fear of failure. Sarah, what are your thoughts when I say that fear, it affected your career.

Sarah: 00:03:29

Fear of failure. So I suppose with the fear of failure, there's two things, right? I feel like it has stopped me in the past of saying yes to things, because I don't want to say yes to that, because what if I fail? What if I'm not the right person? And I think it has held me back as well from, I don't know, doing certain things in the past. Say, for example, it took me forever because I've always wanted to do speaking, for example, and it took me quite a while to actually put myself forward or do my first speaking gig, because again, I had that fear of failure and the fear of what if I'm rubbish, what if? Like, I go on and I can't talk and stuff. So I think it can become a big blocker to saying yes to stuff or putting yourself forward, and it can negatively impact you mentally and mindset wise, because I think sometimes you can focus on the negative. So, yeah, there's a couple of thoughts.

Tazmin: 00:04:52

You're right. I mean, speaking is a big one that we hear a lot about in our industry, that people want to speak, and there's some great conferences, but it's putting yourself forward. For me, one of the ones that affected me the most, and it still does to a degree, is posting on social media. So I'm okay with written posts, but when it comes to video posts, the barrier for me to get one of those online is much higher. And it's something I'm aware of. And you think, okay, you talk yourself through it, but definitely it's one that holds me back. So, want to talk a little bit about the impact this fear has on people's lives? As you said, it keeps people from pursuing what they want to achieve. So it could be a big goal, like speaking at brightness here, for example. It could be a smaller action, like speaking up in a meeting. You may be in a meeting with a group of people, have something that you feel is really valuable, but you can't bring yourself to say it. And then the frustration that you feel afterwards, or even worse, if somebody else says it two minutes after you've thought about it, has that happened to you before?

Sarah: 00:06:08

So many times. So many times. And it doesn't even have to be something that you say. It can even be a question, right? Yeah, I've had that happen.

Tazmin: 00:06:21

And then on the occasions where you do pluck up the courage to ask the question, the person leading the meeting will say, thank you so much, Sarah, for asking that question. I'm sure other people were thinking it too, but didn't have the courage to say, that used to happen to me at school. So, yeah, the other thing it has a tendency to do is make someone feel paralyzed. It keeps you stuck because you really want to move forward with that goal. But that overthinking. That fear keeps you stuck. You then start feeling overwhelmed because you've got these conflicting emotions. Part of you wants to go forward, part of you keeps keeping you stark and it's really harmful to your mental health feeling of overwhelmed it leads to procrastination, which many people think of as laziness but usually somebody is procrastinating. There's a barrier there. There is a block there, yeah.

Sarah: 00:07:27

And I suppose there's lots of different ways that you can procrastinate but you could procrastinate by doing a different task or doing something completely different which isn't laziness in itself, is it? Because you're in effect, adding more stuff to your plate to do.

Tazmin: 00:07:46

But then when you're in that zone where you know you want to do that particular task, that particular goal, and you find yourself wasting time and I'm saying wasting an inverted commas, because the other job you might be doing may be really valuable, but it's not the thing that's going to drive your career forward or drive your day forward. And then that has an impact on your self esteem because you know you're doing it. Deep down, you know it can make you doubt yourself. Because if you are not doing that thing, then you start thinking, maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I don't know enough. Why did I pick this goal? Why did I ever say yes to this? It's not a nice place to be.

Sarah: 00:08:34

No.

Tazmin: 00:08:36

Many people think of failure as bad. And then again, that doesn't have a good impact on your own mental health and your own self esteem because you have failed by not trying. Yes, and then you feel a bit rubbish about yourself. And most people think of it as I don't want to look silly. I don't want to waste time. What's the point of me starting that? Because I'll only end up wasting money what's the point of me taking that course? It won't get me anywhere. And I think some of us have had bad experiences of people mocking us or making fun. So maybe the question that we asked may not have been I mean, they say there's no such thing as a silly question. I believe that. But other people may paint it to be a silly question. And then you feel a bit rubbish, don't you? It's not very nice.

Sarah: 00:09:32

Yeah because then you feel vulnerable, don't you? And like as humans, we always remember the negative. So we'll forget about all the times where, like, for example, in a meeting where you've raised a point or you've asked a question and it's gone down really well. But that one time that you've had that bad experience, that's the thing that you're going to remember, isn't it?

Tazmin: 00:09:57

Because we remember the bad stuff rather than the good stuff have you got any other scenarios that you can add to that?

Sarah: 00:10:08

I think you've been very thorough here there's none that sort of come to mind but there's definitely ones that resonate with me. So many people labeling failure is bad when in actual fact it's not, as it like you can change your mindset and be like, well, what's my learnings? What's the new opportunity? And yeah, the doubt. The doubting yourself. And then actually, I have thought of one. It can sort of get you second guessing about stuff. And then the next time that you're needing to do something, it will take you say for example, you need to put a message together. You need to ask something for something. You need to put a strategy. You need to do something. Right. But then because you're nervous of failing, that's that word is it because you're scared of failing or it not being quite right, or people pick and fault with it, then you end up like, yeah, second guessing and being always had the right way of doing it. Can I do this a bit differently? So similar to procrastination, I suppose, because you might then end up doing other stuff, but this is more about like, yeah, second guessing yourself and being like, this is scary.

Tazmin: 00:11:41

And I think ultimately so we're talking about small situations at work, but then all of these small situations add up. At the end of the day, the other impact this fear can have on people's lives is that you end up having regrets. And it's that fear of failure. I said it in a different way, fear of failure versus the fear of regret.

Sarah: 00:12:11

Yeah.

Tazmin: 00:12:12

So would you regret not speaking ever?

Sarah: 00:12:17

I try and change that mindset. Right. Because it's much better to try stuff and not everything is going to be for you. Right. But it's much better to know that than to be thinking, I wish I did that.

Tazmin: 00:12:36

I agree. I have been on a rollercoaster. I'm glad I tried it. I can definitely say it's not for me.

Sarah: 00:12:44

But you wouldn't know without trying.

Tazmin: 00:12:46

No, but I tried parasailing the other holiday and I thought, actually, I could do this again, but I was petrified, I was so scared.

Sarah: 00:12:55

So roller coasters not. Para. How do you say it?

Tazmin: 00:12:59

Parasailing. When you're on a jet boat and you've got like a parachute, is that parasailing?

Sarah: 00:13:10

I think it I have no idea. We go with it.

Tazmin: 00:13:17

But the long and the short of it is that this fear has such an impact. And after the break, which we're going to take now, I'm going to try and reframe some of that fear and encourage people to go for it, whatever it is they want to do to go for it.

Sarah: 00:13:35

Yes. Right, let's take our break, then.

Sarah: 00:13:35

We are back from a break. Back for part two. What have you got for us in part two?

Tazmin: 00:13:46

So, before the break, we talked about the impact fear of failure has on people's lives. Now we're going to talk about reframing it, because perception is reality, right. So how can we change our perception to create a different reality? One of the things to do is think, I'm trying something brand new. What makes me think it's going to go perfectly the first time? Why put that pressure on yourself?

Sarah: 00:14:16

Yeah.

Tazmin: 00:14:19

And the fact that you are trying something brand new, that in itself is the success.

Sarah: 00:14:25

Yes.

Tazmin: 00:14:25

So having a good yes.

Sarah: 00:14:26

Put yourself out there, putting yourself out your comfort zone, isn't it? Yeah.

Tazmin: 00:14:33

And that we have so many stories of famous people who have struggled to make money, to get recognition. If you think of all of the artists that died poor because nobody recognized their whole work yes. And it was only after they did, other people are making money from it. They had to scrounge for loaves of bread. And you hear all these stories and you think, oh, that's a great story, and we romanticize it all.

Sarah: 00:15:07

Yeah.

Tazmin: 00:15:08

But what about the realities in our own life?

Sarah: 00:15:12

Yeah, this is true. This is true. I remember when I first read all those sort of posts about, do you know how many times this really successful, rich or whatever person has failed and stuff. And to be fair, of course people have failed, do you know what I mean? Of course people are going to when you're trying new stuff, you're not going to be perfect at it. If I listen back to the first every time I did a podcast, I'm obviously going to pick fault with it because I've done podcasting now for well, I did my first one back in 2018, so been doing podcasting for some years now. That's quite a long time. But anyway but, yeah, if I look back to the first time I did my first ever podcast, I'm going to be like, oh, I could have done that better, I'm going to pick fault. Or if I look back at the first time I've done a speaking gig or the first time you do anything, of course you're not going to be like, yeah, you got to give yourself room to get better at it.

Tazmin: 00:16:24

Absolutely. And I think it's taking that view that I'm not going to be perfect, it is going to be not your best, but every time you do it, you're going to get better. So how can we change our thinking? One thing is reframe. If you've learned from every time you've quote, unquoted, failed, then you've not really failed because you've learnt something.

Sarah: 00:16:52

Yeah.

Tazmin: 00:16:56

Another way is accept that it's part of the process. So something I led on YouTube recently, the guy was saying he accepted the first 25 videos he would make weren't great, so speed up the rate at which you fail. He decided, if it's going to take me 25 times before I can make a decent video, I'm just going to blitz them out. And he just went for it.

Sarah: 00:17:21

I like that.

Tazmin: 00:17:22

So, yeah. So this is one for the foodies, the first 25 times you make a chipotle, they will not be round. Having grown up in an Asian household, the number of times you'd get told off by saying, it's not round, it's not round. I'm thinking I don't care. Jesus, I love that. But this is a standard line asian moms would say to their daughters, not even their sons, who's going to marry you if you can't make around chapati? Your first chapati will not be around. I feel like we need to put that on a T shirt somewhere.

Sarah: 00:18:07

But even, like, making that even more simple, like the first time you make a cup of tea or the first time you make a cup of coffee, or the first time I made a cheesecake, I got the cheese because obviously you could use soft cheese, can't you? And I used what was it like? Goat's cheers or cottage cheers. Awful.

Tazmin: 00:18:28

Like, this cheesecake is featured, it would.

Sarah: 00:18:33

Be brought up again. That's your fault for talking about chapati's. My mum, when she first ever made a cake, she remembered all the ingredients apart from the sugar, so obviously it looked amazing and looked really nice, but without the sweetness. Oh, my days. Obviously I wasn't around because she was young when she made her first cake. But, yeah, you got to learn.

Tazmin: 00:18:59

So just accept that failure is part of the process and actually accelerate that. Another thing is, think of the opportunities you could miss. So instead of thinking, I'm going to be really rubbish at this, think, oh, no, if I don't say yes to this, I don't get to do it.

Sarah: 00:19:17

Yeah.

Tazmin: 00:19:21

Take away the fear of the unknown, think of all the possible outcomes.

Sarah: 00:19:25

Yes. And is this where, like, visualization can help?

Tazmin: 00:19:29

Yeah. So you think, okay, I could be in that meeting, somebody's going to say something and put my hand up and ask a question. It's either going to be a good question or a bad question, quote, unquote, but so what?

Sarah: 00:19:47

Yes. And I just sort of want to say, let's say, for example, you're doing your first speaking gig and one of the things you're nervous about is the question and answer, because you're like, what if I get asked a question, I don't know how to answer it? Right, have a solution, have a thing that you can say, because of course you're going to get asked a question that you might not be able to answer, but that's where you can come up with a strategy of what to say in those situations and then you're not flummoxed. Is that the right word? Yeah.

Tazmin: 00:20:19

So one of the things that when I started group coaching, I was petrified that, what if somebody asks me a question, I don't know the answer, and then it's never happened because it's a conversation, it's not a quick fire round thing. But I had it in my head that I would say to them that I can't answer this quite the way you'd want it right now. How about you and I take this offline and have a one to one? And then they're happy because they're going from a group coaching scenario to one to one. They're getting a free ten minute one to one or whatever it is, but it's almost having a backup plan. So think of all of the possible outcomes, and at least then you're not dealing with the unknown. However petrifying the known is, it's not unknown. Put it all into perspective. What's the worst that can happen? Another way to make that fear of failure easier is make the entry point of success and the steps needed really small. So, for example, instead of saying, I want to read 40 books in 2023, it can feel really daunting. You want to try, but it's too much to start. So instead of that, say, I want to read one book, and I'll read one page a day. Well, that's doable. And you'll probably do more.

Sarah: 00:21:57

Yeah, I love that one because I think of all the times that I've tried to exercise wise, right? I've been like, okay, I'm going to go to the gym this amount of times a week. And even that is quite big, because if you're going from never going to the gym to, okay, I'm going to go four or five times a week, that is daunting in itself. So even if you're like, okay, if at least I try and go once a week, then you're still better from where you've started. Right.

Tazmin: 00:22:33

And every time we set these goals, it's to do something that we aren't currently doing. As you just pointed out, this means that we're changing our personalities, we're changing the way we are, and it's tough. So one thing I started to do at the beginning of this year is accept that at the end of 2022, that was original Taz. And then for each of my goals, it's like an update. So with my walking, then that's active tas, or with my food and nutrition, that's healthy Taz. And every time you take an action, who's getting the point? Is it original Taz or healthy Taz? Is it original Taz or is it active Taz? Is it original Tas or is it brave Taz?

Sarah: 00:23:27

Like it?

Tazmin: 00:23:27

And that way it becomes a bit of a game. And because you've thought of this process, instead of just default answering no, you think, oh, no, I need to see who's going to get the point, who's going to get the vote? And that makes you be more conscious of the decision you're making.

Sarah: 00:23:47

Yes. And you can actually visually see your growth as well, because if you've got Old Sarah in New Sarah, and you can see more points being allocated to the new Sarah, old Sarah would binge a bit more, bit too much on Netflix. For example, if there's something that can take you away from not binging so much on Netflix, to your news set. I love that I'm going to start doing that as well.

Tazmin: 00:24:18

And it adds a little bit of humor to it because you start visualizing, so active Taz, looks like something out of the 80s with like, sweatpants, but it's just making it a bit more fun.

Sarah: 00:24:39

See, when you said about nutrition in food, I was thinking foody tabs and foodie Tabs had a chest hat on.

Tazmin: 00:24:48

Well, when I think of foodie TAS, I think of my nutritionist sanding over my shoulder, telling me why should be eating. But, yeah, another good way is, you know what, give yourself a pat on the back, applaud yourself for having a go. Because you're already by having a go, you're already more successful than those people who never try.

Sarah: 00:25:10

Yes, yes.

Tazmin: 00:25:13

Good on you. And then another couple of points. Surround yourself with like minded people who are also on a growth journey. So, for example, the revitalized course that you were on, the current Cohort, they're setting their goals and they're beginning their journey. So every time we have a session, they're talking to each other about what they've done, how they've grown, and they're all supporting each other.

Sarah: 00:25:41

Yeah.

Tazmin: 00:25:41

And it's really great to have that circle of people who are on. Doesn't mean they're trying the same goals as you, but they're all on a journey of trying new things and being scared.

Sarah: 00:25:55

And they can also act as cheerleaders. Right? So if you, like, post and you can be like, I stuck to my goal. I've read a page, like you said earlier, if you post that in that group or whoever, your people are, your like minded people, they can be your cheerleader as well. So not only are you applauding and patting yourself on the back, but you're getting recognition from them as well.

Tazmin: 00:26:23

Yeah, absolutely. And last but not least, get a coach. So many corporations have coaches within them now, because what that does is that you've got accountability. If you want to raise your profile, if you want to advance your career, talk to your manager, see if there's any coaching programs within the business. And if you're freelancing, reach out. I have to have a coach because, you know what, running a business on your own, it can get lonely, it can get isolated. And I also have an accountability circle. So there's three other business women and myself, we meet every Monday online and each person has one session a month where they go through hurdles that they face, plans that they're going to achieve in the next month and the next time they are on the hot seats, they've got accountability.

Sarah: 00:27:23

I like that. I love that.

Tazmin: 00:27:26

And I suppose it's not that power.

Sarah: 00:27:27

Puff Girl and I suppose it's not just the accountability side, but it also gives you people that you can confide in, people that you can go to, people that you can sometimes you might just want to moan or you might just want to say or get something off your chest. Other times you might want their point of view. Right.

Tazmin: 00:27:50

And what a coach will be able to do. So if there is a barrier which is manifesting itself as procrastination, they'll help you be able to get underneath what's causing that lack of activity.

Sarah: 00:28:05

Yeah, definitely. Can I ask you a quick question? So obviously you mentioned your Revitalize course, so your current cohort, so your current people that are doing that, can people sign up?

Tazmin: 00:28:28

Absolutely. I think we've got the link on the show notes, but if you go.

Sarah: 00:28:33

To I was just going to say that we can just link so in the show notes. So go to the show notes of this episode and look for something called Revitalize and then you'll see.

Tazmin: 00:28:52

Okay, so yes, or get in touch on LinkedIn and drop me a message if you want to talk about it. Is this current cohort going to be finishing end of January and then February we'll be starting a new one.

Sarah: 00:29:07

Wonderful. Okay.

Tazmin: 00:29:10

So what are your thoughts on the episode today, Sarah?

Sarah: 00:29:14

I really liked it. I really, really liked it and I feel like there's so many nuggets, so many great stuff that I can take away and yeah, the biggest thing is about because I never thought about it before, but the biggest success is you saying yes in the first place. You putting yourself out there. You say, you know what, I'm going to try this thing that's scary in itself.

Tazmin: 00:29:45

But then if you have that persona that you are adventurous, Sarah, or if you create this avatar for yourself and let that avatar get the points every time you do it, you're going to find it easier and easier to say yes, 100%.

Sarah: 00:30:07

There's so many other points but I think that's the biggest yeah, that would probably be the biggest takeaway for me from here.

Tazmin: 00:30:17

Wonderful. So everybody, all of our listeners that have set themselves goals, keep going and drop me a line. If you're struggling, drop me a line. I think most of you know where to find me.

Sarah: 00:30:32

But yeah, I mean search Tasman Solomon online, tasman Solomon's Coach and you'll come up with some way or the other. Awesome, right? Well, unfortunately Tasman, we are out of time.

Tazmin: 00:30:48

But thank you very much. It's a good episode. I enjoyed that.

Sarah: 00:30:51

Thank you. I mean, I very much enjoyed it. Yes, lots of AHA moments. So, yes, thank you again for everyone who's tuning in and listening to this episode. We very much appreciate that. Just want to before we sign off and do our pledge as well, just want to give people a reminder of how they can support us. So you can donate so we are set up on buy me a coffee. So buy me a coffee. You can donate us a coffee, basically. And you can donate one, two, three, however many coffees that you'd like but that'd be very putative. There'll be a link in our show notes so you can see that and also help us spread the word. Okay? So if you enjoy our podcasts, you enjoy our episodes, you enjoy what me and Tasman are doing. Please help us spread the word. Tell friends, family, loved ones, everyone that you know about the podcast, and the next time that you're listening to an episode and you think, oh, such and such would love this, find the link somewhere and share it with them, because that would be awesome, right? Do you want to do the pledge, Tasman?

Tazmin: 00:32:11

I am going to do the pledge, but I'm going to add one word. Is that okay?

Sarah: 00:32:16

You can add one or two or 20. Up to you.

Tazmin: 00:32:21

I am an SEO professional who prioritizes mindsets and personal growth and not just for rankings, improving visibility and algorithm.

Sarah: 00:32:31

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Well, thank you for an amazing episode has been.

Tazmin: 00:32:37

Thank you. And thank you to everybody who's listening.

Sarah: 00:32:40

Yes, thank you for joining us again. Take care and we will catch you all next time.